A Lesson In Humility

okay so most people that know me know i love volleyball. This is my fourth year playing. I've been so pumped about making varsity, because it's something I've been looking forward to for a long time. Well, God's - for the second year in a row - shown me a lesson in humility with the same sport. I did not make varsity.

This came as a shock. A big shock. It hit me like a Mack truck. The thing that ticks me off the most, is who sort of "took my place" on the team. One of my best friends, Ynez, was supposed to be moving to the Keys this summer. Well, clearly that's not happening. She came to practice for the first time today, since we started 2 and a half weeks ago. She made varsity. THAT was an even bigger shock. I want to be happy for her, I really do, but at the moment I'm not sure whether i should be happy or angry or what. It's difficult. It's not so much that she's the one on the team, it's the fact that i've been there every day of practice, not late once, and she shows up the first day and makes it. And it's not just that she made it either, there's other people who i know i play just as well or better than them. THAT'S the most frustrating thing for me I guess. That and the fact that I dont know why I have been kept on JV.

Now that I explained the whole situation and why I'm angry and upset about this, it's time for the best part: humility! I look at it two ways: I can be pissed and gripe and complain about not making Varsity, OR I can accept, be thankful for the opportunity God has given me on JV, and ask Him to help me play the best I can for the sake of the younger girls on my team and be an example of how a Christian should react to a situation like this.
Pride can be a painful thing. We want approval so bad from the people around us, that when we are let down or feel like we failed, we get mad. We get angry. We get ticked off at our "friends" when all along we were the cause of all of it. We wanted it so bad, not knowing how people react. And we try to blame it on others.
Pride; that's what it came down to for me, and I realized that this afternoon coming home from practice. My mom and I were talking about it and she said, "hey at least if you were on varsity, you may have been benched the whole time." And my response almost before i even thought about I was gonna say was, "I dont care, I'd rather sit on the bench and be on Varsity then play on JV." It was almost instantly there I realized what i had just said. What would i be doing from the bench? A good cheerleader? I dont like cheerleaders, why would i want that? Staying on JV nearly gurantees me playing the whole game. And I actually am the oldest on the team, and my coach says she's counting on me to step it up for the rest of the team.
I shouldnt feel let down. I should be proud. The right kind though. I've been given the opportunity to help lead a team. What more could I want? The only difference between Varsity and JV is jerseys and playing experience. The game doesnt change. My love for the game hasnt changed. So whats the problem? Again i say, it's a pride issue.
So you know, whether or not I'm playing on Varsity or JV, I'm playing volleyball. It doesnt matter what jersey i have. What number I am. Whether I'm on the bench or playing full time. Im there. Im apart of the team. I'm one of the leaders. And though I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this still, I'm beginning to see my need for being humbled. I'll make my way to varsity one of these days, but right now, there's a JV team who needs me. And I'm asking God to make me the best JV volleyball player I can be. I'm asking Him to help me to step it up and be a leader for these girls. And with that note, I'll some it up with the famous Lady Eagles pre-game cheer:

ALL FOR THE GLORY OF GOD! HEY EAGLE BALL ALL THE TIME HUH!

Lead Me To You

hmm okay so this is just a little poem i wrote =) i may add more later but im really tired right now and my brain wont think lol...if you have some good lines let me know =)

Additions Made: third stanza-8/12/09

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Standing at the crossroads trying to make up my mind
Dare i take left, or should i go right?
One path leads to destruction
The other to new life
And I'm going to change mine, starting tonight.

Im sick of who I was
I dont want this to be
Father will you come
And rescue me?
I'm tired of all I do
I'm crying out in mercy
I need your love and grace
Father lead me to You.

We all have things from our past
That we would rather forget
It brought me a relationship to last.
So I won't bring myself to regret
The decisions i've made;
It is with You I will always stay

Wedding Week :D

haha so wow this week's been crazy it seems like....especially towards the end of the week. God's too good, but i'm thankful for every bit of it. Wednesday night we had Marissa's graduation party, which was loads of fun! Nothing better than cupcakes Taco Bell and friends to share it with! hahaha that was the best...even though i ended up with icing up my nose LOL...dont ask!
Friday was funny, trying to get to Walmart. My poor grandmother...she got lost on her way to Walmart on her 49th anniversary....that poor lady...but thankfully i was with her, and i knew where we were and where we needed to go...it all worked out. and we ended up where i suggested in the first place AND i got to see Sam working lol..and i forgive her McDonald's for not having the ice cream machine working...even though thats what i really wanted. haha....
and saturday was incredible...Alan and Carey's wedding was beautiful! And the reception was so much fun! and decorating the car was also fun...and the sparkling cider (which tasted like sparkling apple juice) was delicious! hahaha that was soo funny after the reception...you who were there know what i mean ;)
and today Pastor Randy had a great sermon. I also got to enjoy lunch with my 3rd cousin (i think) and her husband. it was sort of like the first time i'd met her, cuz last time i saw her i was 3 or 4 and i dont remember it at all..
It's been an overall amazing week. I said it once, and I'll say it again: sometimes it seems like God's too good, but i enjoy it, so I dont mind. Thanks again :D