The Outsider-Chapter 8

"So where did you say you moved from?" Derek asked peering into his rearview mirror at Caleb.
"St. Louis, Missouri," Cale said, clearing his throat.
The ride to the movie theatres wasn't completely awkward. Ever since Derek had mentioned that he thought Cale and I really liked each other, he'd been doing to whole macho-brother number. It was actually quite amusing in my opinion. I wasn't sure how Cale was taking this, so I had to keep my laughter in. I also couldn't tell if Der was being serious or just trying to make a good first impression, if you kno what I mean. So, for the most part, I just kept quiet and only talked when I was spoken to, like usual.
"Here we are," Der said as we pulled into an empty parking spot. "Gosh, this place looks different. They've painted it and got a new sign, havent they?"
"Yeah the sign's kinda old, but the new paint job was just finished a week ago," I said.
"So what exactly are we seeing?" Cale asked. He sounded a little nervous, which made me feel slightly uneasy. My moods are easily influenced by those of the people around me.
"We could see 'A Christmas Carol', I love Jim Carrey," I smiled.
"Or maybe 'Old Dogs'," Cale suggested, "it doesn't really matter to me."
Der added in his girliest voice, "Or we could see 'New Moon', I've been waiting on it for 6 months!!"
We were all quiet for about a second, and then we all burst out laughing.
"I say A Christmas Carol, cuz Jim Carrey's freakin' hilarious!" Der said after catching his breath.
"Okay then, Jim Carrey wins," Cale added.
----------------------------------------------

"Pssst! Carmen....Carmen...CARMEN!!!" Sheriff Sanders whispered as loud as he could without actually being heard.
"Whaaaat???" Carmen responded. Gregory Carmen owned his own gun shop. He took over the business when his dad died a year ago during his senior year at Confederate High. Greg Carmen was the perfect example of our locals. and was the best shooter in town. He'd proven himself many times in the annual Leetown hunting trip.
Sheriff Sanders was growing impatient. "How long is this gonna take? I gotta pee!"
"Just wait a second..." Carmen's voice trailed off and his finger tightened around the trigger.
Pow! "Whew-wee, look! I got em Sanders, I got em!" Carmen ran over to see the buck he'd just shot.
"Oh, thank the Lord! Now I can go find a bathroom or somethin," Sanders said with a sigh of relief.
Carmen and Sheriff Sander's walked back to the house, the deer hung over Carmen's shoulder.
Once they were inside they started discussing more private matters.
"The rest of your guys onto our little plan?" Carmen asked, with a sense of evil in his tone.
"Nah, they're clueless," Sanders said and then added, "They're stumped with the Davison case...if it goes on too much longer, it's not even gonna be this town's case anymore. It may be moved up to higher authorities."
"That's good. How about a game of darts to choose who goes next?" Carmen had a sense of meanness instilled in him that could not be mistaken.
The sheriff looked skeptical. "Don't you think its a little early?"
"I didn't say we had to follow through with it tonight, just find out who's next."
"Okay," Sanders said, still hesitant, "take your best shot." He tossed a dart to Carmen.
He threw the dart with little force, but it went right through the Post-it note into the cork bored.
The note read, "Kevin Harolds".
"Kevin it is," Carmen said with a twisted smile on his face.

---------------------------------------------------------

After the movie was over, Der surprised us by taking us to the one chain restaurant we had in this town: Johnny Rockets. That was my favorite place, and I'm so glad that Derek knew me so well.
"Well, that movie was interesting," Der said as we sat in the booth.
"Yeah it was cool though," Cale added.
They seemed to be getting along better now; well, Der had quit the over-protective brother act. It was funny, most of the times dad's are the over-protective ones. But my dad had never had a problem with Cale, even if he was an outsider. Sometimes I wondered if my brother were adopted.
"Yeah it was. So ya'll just wanna split a large cheese fry?"
"Sure sounds great," I said, my stomach rumbling,"right now food just sounds good."
Cale agreed, "Yeah same here."
"Hey, ya'll, what can I get for you today?" Our waitress was Amanda Carwell. Amanda was your typical southern beauty: blonde hair, baby blue eyes, a gorgeous figure, and a strong southern accent that was almost irresistable. I knew her from school. She was a junior at Confederate, and almost all the guys adored her, and almost all the girls wanted to be her.
Der answered for us all and said, "We're gonna split a large cheese fry, and to drink I'm gonna have root beer...what do you guys want?"
"Um, I'll take cherry coke," I said.
"Same for me," Cale added.
"Well, alright, I'll have your drinks and food out for you in just a few minutes." She turned on her heels and walked back to the kitchen.
There was a tv in the corner and it was on Leetown's local news station. The volume was too low to hear, but I could read the subtitles, which read:
"Police have no word on the Kelly Davison house, and we are told that if they don't have any leads by the end of the week, the case will be passed off to higher authorities who can do more extensive research into the case. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Davison's as they are still mourning the loss of their beloved daughter..."
I stopped reading there, because they had switched to a new report. So that's it? The cops in our town were just going to give up? Obviously, I was showing some kind of angry emotion because Der asked, "Hey, uh, Suz, are you okay?"
I snapped out of it and replied, "Yeah I'm fine, I was just watching the news. They were reporting on Kelly Davison's case. It made me mad, because the cops have just pretty much given up. I mean, they've barely been investigating for a week and they're passing it to 'higher authorities'!"
"Yeah that's terrible-" but he was cut off by Amanda.
"Okay here you go: one large fry, two cherry cokes, and a root beer," she said passing out the food.
"Anything else I can get ya'll?"
"Oh, how about a partridge and a pear tree?" Derek said as we all four started laughing.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Derek, we're fresh out of those," Amanda said making a sarcastic pouty-face, and once again turned on heels and headed toward the kitchen.
You know, sitting here having Derek and Cale share cheese fries with me, everything just seemed right. A couple days ago, I was freaking out about Kelly's death. Somehow I managed to tell myself that everything was okay in little Leetown, and that I had nothing to worry about...hopefully.

The Outsider-Chapter 7

The first thing I heard as I walked in the door was, "So who's the dude in the car?"
I knew this voice very well, and just hearing him made me smile.
"Derek! Oh my goodness it's so good to see you!" I said as I ran to give him a big bear hug. He and I got along very well. Sometimes it felt like we were more friends rather than brother and sister.
"Hey, Suz, it's good to see you too!" he said.
"What are you doing home?" I asked.
He laughed and said, "Oh, and I thought you were happy to see me."
"You know I'm always happy to see you."
"Not always," he muttered underneath his breath.
"What?...You know what I mean." I stood there waiting for an explanation.
After a few seconds of him staring at me with a grin on his face he spoke. "Well I got a job working on the college campus and it gave me some extra cash, so I decided to come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year."
I stood there and he could see my eyes widening in disbelief. After some more awkward silences, he simply asked, "What?"
It was enough to wake me from my trance that I had seemed to have fallen into and replied, "Oh nothing I'm just surprised you got a job." I winked as I spoke.
"Hey, hey now, I've kind of matured since the last time you saw me," he said.
I kinda laughed to myself and said, "Yeah okay, whatever. You're still my big brother who wrestles and has burping contests with me." We both laughed together.
"Wait, where's mom and dad? Do they know you're here?" I said with sudden curiosity. They were usually home at this time.
"Yeah they know I'm here. They were going to do some grocery shopping and see a movie, but since I came home they said they weren't going out. I told them I'd be here all week and back at Christmas, so I told them to go ahead."
"Oh okay, that makes sense I guess."
"So what's with the funeral look?" he asked, unaware of where I had just been. He obviously could tell by my now serious look that what he said was a little inappropriate.
"Suz, what happened? Is everything okay?" he said with a tad bit of panic rising in his voice.
"It's okay, Der."
"Oh okay. That's why when I said 'funeral look' you nearly started crying, right?"
"Come on, it's not like that..." I stopped short, trying to hold my emotions in.
"Suz, whatever it is, it's bothering you. Talk to me. Come on, I haven't seen you in months. What's up?" I couldn't resist him when he was being so nice and like he said: mature.
"It's this girl from school. She was fairly new around here, just a freshman at Confederate High. Her name was Kelly Davison." I said with memories flooding my brain.
"And....?" he said with anticipation.
"And she was kidnapped and murdered...no, not just murdered, tortured is more like it. Der, they tied her to a truck and dragged her behind it!" I spoke with such bitterness that I no longer cared about holding back the tears.
Der reached for me and gave me another hug. "Suz, I'm so sorry. Were you two good friends?"
"I helped her get settled into school. She was a really nice girl. Her funeral was today, and I went. I don't know why I'm so upset about this, we weren't real close, but obviously close enough." I said trying to calm myself down.
"Hey it's okay," he said as he wiped the tears away from my cheeks,"it's alright. I wouldn't have made the funeral comment in the first place, had I known. I'll watch what I say from now on."
"No, it's okay, it's not your fault. You didn't know." I sniffled.
I went to the bathroom to change clothes and clean myself up a bit. When I came out Derek was sitting on the couch watching some sitcom.
"Say what are you doin tomorrow?" I asked casually.
"Er..um, nothing I guess, why?"
"I thought maybe you, me, and that 'dude in the car' could catch a movie."
"Oh okay. Yeah sure, whatever." It was a genuine answer, not one with sarcasm. Did college do this to all high school boys?
"His name's Cale, by the way."
"Who?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen to get a soda out of the refrigerator.
"That 'dude in the car'...his name's Cale...Caleb, actually." I said.
"Oh yeah, him. Where'd he come from anyways? I haven't seen him before." Brothers are so adorable when they act so protective, I thought to myself as he asked all these questions.
"He just moved a couple months ago with his mom, Bethany, after his dad died. His grandparents have lived here a long time though. You probably remember the Mason's." I said, hoping he'd approve of Cale, even though he was technically an "outsider". Derek didn't necessarily LIKE the outsiders, but he didn't hate them either.
"Oh, yeah...so he's Old Man Mason's grandson? Eh, he's probably a good kid then. Old Man Mason's pretty strict. Good solid morals. I'm sure he's perfect for you."
Wait a second,I'm sure he's perfect for you. Where did that come from?
"What do you mean he's perfect for me?" I asked, a little uneasy and embarrassed.
"Oh come on Suz, I'm not stupid! I can tell you're crazy about him. And quite honestly, I think he likes you too. I saw they way you too looked at each other."
Why hadn't I thought of this before?! I always thought of Cale as a great friend, why did I not think it could be something more than friendship? That explains why I get those crazy emotions around him! I'm so ignorant sometimes!
"He's just a friend," I blurted out trying to keep my cool.
"Yeah okay..." There was that sarcastic tone I'd missed for the past 6 months. I knew my real brother was still there somewhere.
After the show went on a commercial break he called from the family room, "Hey Suz, I'd love to go see a movie tomorrow."
"Okay...hey, Der?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm glad your home," I said as I settled down on the couch next to him.
"Me too, Suz, me too."

The Outsider-Chapter 6

I had an uneasy feeling at the service on Saturday, but that was probably because the thought of being in the same room as a dead person creeped me out to no end. I hadn't been to many funerals in my lifetime, and the few that I had been to I never enjoyed. Being with Cale this time somehow made it easier though.
Her parents decided that they would have her cremated, due to the condition her body was in. They were devastated, just as I had thought they would be.
Between tears of my own I sad, "Mr. and Mrs. Davison, I'm soo sorry. I know I didnt know much about Kelly, but I cant even imagine how you must feel, especially since I know how bad i feel about this. I'll be praying for you."
The words didnt exactly come out like I was hoping, but I think her parents understood the sincerity in my voice.
"I had no idea how much you really cared about Kelly," Cale said as we were walking to his car after the service was over.
Neither did I, I thought to myself. "Well I mean, it's just heartbreaking. To think that she'll never grow up to see her grandkids, and for her parents to know that they'll never get to see their daughter grow up."
"Yeah I guess you're right. I couldn't imagine leaving my mom behind. I don't think she'd be able to make it, especially since my dad's gone too."
The ride home was kind of quiet. Cale kept fiddling with the radio when the silence became too much, but he soon just turned it off due to the lack of reception in this town.
"How'd it happen?" I asked.
"How'd what happen?" he said.
"You're dad," I paused, not really sure whether I had the right to talk about this, "I mean how'd he die...if you don't mind me asking." I added that to the end of the sentence so he'd know that we didnt have to talk about it if he didnt want to.
He must have seen my embarassment on my face for asking such a personal question, because he kinda looked at me with that smug smile that he always used. He was silent for a few moments before answering. "Cancer," he said. "He died a few years ago of bone cancer." I thought I could see a glimpse of pain in his face as he spoke.
"I'm so sorry...I mean, I know I can't really identify with you on the subject, but I don't know what else to say."
"It's okay, Zanne, thanks." Cale was so good. Even when things weren't the best, he always seemed to keep it together and make you feel better.
I stared at the sky for the rest of the ride home.
"Who's car's in the driveway?"
My attention was torn from the sky to my house. There it was, a little white pick-up in my driveway.
"That's my brother's truck," I said, sort of confused. "That's strange...he usually doesn't come home for Thanksgiving."
"I didnt know you had a brother."
"He's going to college in Florida."
"Oh...where does he go?"
"Florida State," I replied.
"Haha...guess he's not into football then," he said.
"Hey now, FSU may not be THAT great, but we support em either way."
"It's okay, I dont follow up much on football."
"As long as you're not a Gator, cuz that'll just give my parents one more reason for not liking you," I said, half joking, half serious. My parent's really didnt like Cale.
"No worries there," he laughed, "do you like your brother?"
"We get along pretty well. It's funny I think we're closer even though he doesnt live here any more."
"Ya never know whatcha got till its gone," Cale responded.
"So true, so true....well I probably oughtta get inside before my parents wonder why we're just sitting in the driveway." I couldn't help but smile while I spoke.
Cale laughed too. "Yeah, that would be a third reason for your parents to hate me."
"They don't HATE you Cale."
"Yeah okay." He laughed again.
"Say what are you doing tomorrow?" I asked as I got out of his car.
"I dunno, have anything in mind?"
"I thought maybe you, my brother and I could catch a movie," I said, "I think you'll get along with him....his name's Derek by the way."
"Hmmm, I could probably go...if he's anything like you, I'm sure we'll get along." as he spoke he winked at me.
I blushed and said, "6:30?"
"Sure, I'll see you tomorrow Zanne," he said.
"K. See you later," I said as I turned and walked to my front door.

The Outsider-Chapter 5

"A young teenager has gone missing today, and there is a county wide search taking place for the young Kelly Davison..."
I could hear the story from inside the kitchen. Kelly Davison, Kelly Davison, where have I heard that name before? I thought to myself. And then it hit me. "Oh. My. Gosh. That was the new girl who moved here last year!!! She was only a year younger than me!"
"Who was?" my mom said from the living room.
"Girl who went missing, Kelly Davison. I can't believe she's missing! Oh, I hope she's okay, she was really nice. Her parents must be devistated."
The only reply I got was a sigh from the other room. My parents didnt really approve of my courtesy to the outsiders. But they knew they couldnt stop me, so they learned to deal with it.

The next day at school Kelly Davison's disappearance was the buzzing topic. It was all anyone could talk about. I doubt very much school work was being done.
"I heard she was mauled by bear-"
"Yeah well I think her brother did it...didnt they say he's a messed up kid anyway?"
"My money's on her father...I heard she kept sneaking out of the house to meet up with some drug dealers or somethin..."
The rumors at school were relentless. See I knew that everything the kids at school came up with were lies. I am probably one of the few locals that actually talked to Kelly, and I knew her well enough to know that these accusations were false.
"So have you heard all the crazy rumors about Kelly?" Caleb asked me as he sat down at our usual spot under the tree.
"How could I NOT have heard about them?" I replied.
"Yeah true...do you believe any of them?"
"Not a single one. She didnt have many friends. I was one of the few people who talked to her. So unless a bear broke into her house and mauled only her, or the drug dealers came to her bedroom in the middle of the night, she didnt do anything. I'm not trying to sound mean, but she's sort of helpless. There's no way any of that could have happened. Plus, they havent even found her yet, so she might be alive."
"Yeah you're probably right. So what are you doing this afternoon?" he asked.
"I dont know. Why?" I replied.
"Eh, I've been having trouble with some English, so I was wondering if you could help me?"
"Oh sure I'd love to help! What are we talkin here-adjectives, pronouns, verbs?"
"Hahaha, um, that and some more...I'm not the brightest when it comes to grammar," he laughed.
"Yeah I'd love to help. Except I'd need a ride. Would you mind taking me home?" talking to him lately had become easier, although now I felt like that shy, giddy little girl all over again.
"Yeah, I could probably give you a ride home in exchange for your help." He winked at me as he spoke.
"Cool, I'll need to be home by 5 though," I said.
"No problem...and thanks!" he replied.
"You're welcome." I smiled.

"So now that we've gotten the subjects and verbs, you've gotta find the-" I lost my train of thought as I heard voices coming from the other room.
I walked out of Caleb's room to listen to the TV in the family room.
"Missing Kelly Davison's body was found today near the Lake Daniels River, and what police found was shocking. The girl's neck had been broken, which is believed to be the cause of death, along with both legs and one arm. She was scratched up from head to toe. Law enforcements are not really sure what happened to Davison, but they haven ensured that a full investigation will take place."
"Oh my gosh!!!" tears began streaming down my face.
"What? Whats wro-" Caleb stopped and stared at the TV.
He turned to me and said, "Zanne, Im so sorry."
"Cale, how could this happen? She was so innocent, only a freshman in high school! It's not fair!!"
By this time I was sobbing and nearly shouting.
"I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." his voice trailed off and he pulled me into his arms and gave me hug.
I settled down enough to hear the rest of the news.
"The memorial service for Kelly Davison will be held this Saturday at the Southern Baptist Family Church. Friends are allowed to attend; services will begin at 11:00 PM."
Cale promised me we'd attend the service together. The next couple days Kelly was the topic at school again, and now more rumors than ever were popping up. We've had disappearances before, but for some reason, this one gave me a strange feeling.

It's all about the fleas ;)

I recently found out something interesting about a friend of mine. It makes me sad because this friend (I'm not naming anyone or thing) kinda lied to me over the past couple months. I wasn't told this news until tonight, and whereas it did shock me a little, I wasn't really mad. I was more bummed out by the choices this person has made and the fact that I'm one of their best friends and most of our other friends already know, and I'm just now finding out. I'm not saying who it is or what they did, but if for some reason that person finds this, they know how I feel. I will not judge you or stop being your friend, but I in no way, shape, or form approve of what's happening. And I'm praying that God will use something to show you that your actions-both what you're doing and the lying-are not right. But something tells me that because you haven't told me until now, afraid of how I would react, that you know its not right, because I would and do disapprove.
However, I do have a few positive things to say overall, because that's just the kinda person I'm am (lol David, you know what I mean). One, thank you for finally being honest. I am sad that you felt you couldn't tell me right away, but thank you for finally telling me the WHOLE truth. Two, God's finally shown me why I've felt the need to pray for you. A while back I just felt the need to pray for my friends and family. Now I know why, at least that's the reason I'm thinking of, because God's timing is perfect. And whether you like it or know it, I will continue in praying more than ever for you. Lastly, I don't mean this in a boasting manner, but you've shown me how far I've come since I committed my life to Christ nearly a year and a half ago. I believe that you wouldn't have hesitated to tell me this if it had taken place 2 years ago, because I wouldn't have thought much of it. But because I'm the last person to find out because you were afraid of what I would say, you didn't tell me. This shows me that you can see a difference in the way I act. And you know what? I'm okay with that, because I struggle with how I act sometimes. I have doubts sometimes whether people can see the love of Christ in me. So I thank you for those things.
To anyone else who reads this, if you wanna know why I'm optimistic about something like this and other things, here's my reasoning.
When I was in 8th grade we read The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom, a holocaust survivor. Even though I didn't read the book much because I was too busy trying to act "cool" and fit in with the popular kids, I do remember one part of her story. Corrie and her sister Betsy were inside a cell at a concentration camp. Corrie was complaining about the fleas in the cell. Her sister, who was older and weaker than she, told her that God's commanded us to find the good in everything. Corrie and Betsy decided to start holding Bible studies in their cell. Someone asked the guards why they didn't stop the group of women from doing that (at least I think that's what happened) they told them that there were too many fleas for them to go in there. So if those women who had it worse than any of us could ever have, how much more thankful should we be for the little things-even the annoying ones-in our life? Every time I'm tempted to be negative-and I do have my times, just before I wrote this I was crying over the whole situation- I think back to this story. I encourage every person to do the same. Be thankful for the "fleas" in your life. Count them as blessings.

The Outsider-Chapter 4

So that's how the first day I met Caleb Grant began. At first he was cautious around me-I think he was trying to decide if I was really as nice as I said I was to the "outsiders". What he didnt know is that, whereas I wasn't outwardly mean to the outsiders, I pretty much just ignored them. They were insignificant to me; that's what I used to think.
This all took place about 2 or 3 months ago. Ever since that first day, Caleb sat at lunch with me, and we'd just make small talk, but the friendship was obviously growing. We even got to where we had nicknames for each other-he called me Zanne and I called him Cale.
"So, Zanne, care to tell me why you don't sit with the other kids?" he asked one day.
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly the most popular girl at school. The other 'outsiders' don't like me because I'm one of them, and the local kids hate me because I don't participate in their pranks on the new kids," I replied.
"Oh...so what makes me different from the other 'outsiders'?" He wasn't really sure what else to say.
Although I wasn't sure where this was going, I decided to respond anyway. "I don't know, I think you'd have to ask yourself that question, since you're the one who decides to have lunch withme. I mean, you're really the first new student who hasn't left me after the first day. Usually the kids sit with me the first day because their scared to go anywhere else, and they know that I have to at least show them around."
"Oh...that's really stupid. Cuz, I mean, you're a really cool personl. People around here are jerks."
I hope he didnt notice my blushing, but I'm pretty sure my cheeks were more red than the feathers of a cardinal. HE ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS COOL!!!! The thought of this sent shivers down my spine and excitement through my veins. I've really got to get this under control I thought. He kinda gave me that same smug look that he had the first day I met him when I was speechless. I quickly recovered and said thanks, playing it off as nothing big.
Everything was going so smooth up until then. Later that night was the first of a series of missing teenagers; something strange was about to happen.

The Outsider-Chapter 3

"My n-name's..." I stuttered like a fool trying to remember my name.
"Yes?" he answered with a sort of smug look on his face.
Before I finished my sentence like an idiot, I composed myself and said with complete confidence, "My name is Suzanne Bethany Lee, thank you very much." I'm not sure where that sarcastic attitude came from, but I wasn't used to people talking to me as if I were the one looking stupid. I hope he didnt think of me as a stuck up brat who gets everything she wants. Not to mention his green eyes seemed to burn a hole into mine. It was like all at once his presence made me feel so strong but at the same time very vulnerable. There was defnitely something strange about this kid.
While all of this was running through my mind, I hadnt noticed him staring at me so intensely.
"So you say your name is Suzanne Lee? I hear you show the new students around."
I smiled (I hope he didnt notice my blushing).
"Do all new students get treated this way?"
By this time I realized that staying quiet was not an option.
"Um, yes that's correct. Please, forgive me for being so incredibly rude. Let me reintroduce my self the proper way: Hi, I'm Suzanne Lee. You can call me Suzie or Anne, or whatever I dont really mind. Welcome to Confederate High School." I could tell by his facial expression that he wasnt sure what had just happened with this newfound kindess, but that he was willing to except it.
So I looked at his schedule, showed him to all of his classes, and showed him where his locker was. Turns out we were in the same grade, had a few classes together, and our lockers weren't right next to each other, but in the same hallway. There's only so much room a high school of less than 1,000 kids. Confederate High probably had somewhere between 850-900 students, most of which were freshmen and sophomores.
Around lunch time, since I'm the courteous hostess, I asked Caleb if he'd like to eat lunch with me. When he agreed, I felt a surge of excitement run through my veins (what is wrong with me?!?! I never act like this!). We walked through the line, got the oh-so-yummy cafeteria food, and headed for the courtyard, which was outside. Caleb started heading for the tables, but before he had a chance to ask why, he followed me to a tree in the back corner. I sat down at the little table behind the giant live oak.
"Why arent you sitting with the rest of the students?" he asked me.
"You have no idea where you live now, do you Caleb Grant?" I said in that same sarcastic tone (which I must stop, because if I dont, I'll be alone forever!).
"Uh...I guess not. Care to explain?"
I let out a sigh and told him to sit down. Over the course of lunch I pretty much recited the town's history, just as I've heard it hundreds-if not thousands-of times.

The Outsider - Chapter 2

Caleb Grant was ordinary at first glance. He dressed, acted, and looked overall like your average every day teenager. It was when you really looked at him, studied his features, that you could see the difference. He had a presence about him, something intangible that no one could quite figure out what it was. Or at least that's how he puts it. He says back in his hometown he's one of the most popular kids in school. He's not stuck up, he just "tells the truth" (i think he's a little too confident sometimes haha). Although he can come off a little bit cocky sometimes, he truly does seem to have a humble attitude most of the time. He loves helping people in any way he can. He says thats what made him so popular back home. Well, that may be true, but I'm sure his dark brown hair and gorgeous green eyes had something to do with it.
The townspeople weren't really sure how to accept him and his mom when they first moved. You see, his grandparents and uncle on his dad's side have lived in the city for years. So although he does have roots here, they aren't sure whether to really accept or reject their relatives. His grandparents loved him, even though they weren't crazy about his mom (they never really got along with their daughter-in-law); his uncle didnt care for either of them.
I remember the first time I saw him. It was in the middle of October on a cool, clear day. Days like those were perfect, and this day was no exception. Around school, everyone thinks of me as the "good girl" and for the most part they were right. Taking risks wasnt my thing. So whenever there was a new student, I always volunteered, whether he or she was an "outsider" or a Jr. Higher coming to the high school for the first time. So that's how it all began. I remember the first words he said to me: "Hello, I'm Caleb Grant. What's your name?" And for the first time in my life, I was dumbfounded.

Courage

Something happened to me Saturday night. I was reading my devotional book and the topic was about Courage. The second question was "how do I find the courage to face change?" As I read those words, it felt like God Himself pointed it out. If you have talked to me at all recently, you probably have heard about my youth group splitting up into youth group and college and career class. Being in such a small youth group for the past 4 years, we've really grown close, despite the age differences. I don't want the change and most of the people that would be in the C&C class don't want it either. the book says that being paralyzed by fear of change shows that you doubt God's ability to take care of you. It showed me that I really shouldn't be afraid, or even mad. After reading, I just decided to start praying. I thought about how I am not living for God to my full potential. I broke down and began to cry because something else occurred to me-I've got things, people even-that are holding me back from reaching my full potential. I want to be sold out for Christ. So I made a decision to cut off these weights that pull me down. And the reason I began to cry was because I didn't want to do this (some of the people that hold me back are people I've known for 7+ years). So although I know I've got some things to let go, it will be worth it in the end. I would appreciate your prayers as my church begins the groups, for our attitudes, and for me as I try to live in my full potential.

The Outsider-Chapter 1

Have you ever been on the outside of a secret? Ever felt like everyone else knew something you didn't? That's the exact same way Caleb Grant felt when he moved to Leetown, Virginia. After his dad lost a long battle of lung cancer, Caleb and his mom, Beth, moved to this small town off the coast of Virginia. I, by the way, am his best friend, Suzanne.
I'm not exactly sure how we got to this point. The past twenty-four hours has gone so fast; I dont know if i can recount all of the events that have taken place. I suppose from the starting point would be best. First, you must know the background story to the tiny, mysterious Leetown, VA.
Robert Edward, the son of Confederate hero, Robert E. Lee, founded the town in October 1875, along with his brothers and sisters. They wanted to establish a town in honor of their father. Not many people know where the town is. The people that live here take their heritage seriously-maybe a little too seriously at times. Most of the locals-including my family-are direct descendants from the Lee's. My family comes from the line of one of his daughters, Annie.
It wasnt until about six years ago that the population really started to increase. Not many people want a lot of city folk coming in, so they intentionally are rude and mean to the "outsiders"; that's the term that the locals call the new people. If you or your family haven't lived here within the past 100 years, then you're and "outsider". It's not just the older people who talk about the newcomers like that; the students at Confederate High School can be just as mean. Like I said, we love our heritage here, sometimes a little too much. I was the same way. That was before I met him: Caleb Grant.

The Outsider - Disclaimer

Okay for quite sometime now I've been really wanting to write a story, and i knew what the theme (so to say) would be, but not exactly what the plot should be. But for some reason around 12:15 AM-when i was half asleep-the idea came to me. So now that i know what i want to do, I will begin writing it. So before i post the first chapter, I'll let you read a little about the story. The names of the places have been made up, as far as I know. The story is told through the main character's best friend, Suzanne.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE OUTSIDER

Caleb Grant-or as I like to call him, Cale-was a regular, ordinary kid from what I could see. His clothes, personality, hobbies; he represented the american teenager very well. There is only one conflict-he is an outsider.
In 2003, Leetown, VA, had a population that had not changed for decades. But in the past six years there's been an increase, and the locals can't figure out what draws people to the small town life, nor are they welcoming the newcomers.

All through the past there have been strange disappearances in the little Virginian town. Most people blame it on the wildlife; there's even been sightings of Bigfoot reported. But when the dissapearances start increasing, Caleb (the newest "outsider"), his best friend Suzanne, and her brother, Derek, decide to take matters into their own hands and find out who (or what) is taking these people.

I and Love and You

Jamie from TWLOHA posted this on the website. Its a mission statement from a band called the Avett Brothers. This has got to be one of the best definitions of the words "i love you" i've ever heard. It's so true. Since I've been thinking a lot lately about God's love and how we should love others, I wanted to share this with you =) Enjoy!

"The words "I" and "Love" and "You" are the watermark of humanity. Strung together, they convey our deepest sense of humility, of power, of truth. It is our most common sentiment, even as the feeling of it is so infinitely uncommon: each to proclaim these three words with his or her very own heart and mindset of reason (or lack thereof); a proclamation completely and perfectly new each time it is offered. Uttered daily and nightly by millions, the words are said in an unending array of circumstances : whispered to a newborn in a mothers arms; shared between best friends on the playground; in the form of sympathy - said by a girl to a boy, as the respect continues but the relationship does not. It is said too loudly by parents to embarassed children in the company of their friends, and by grown children - to their fading parents in hospital beds. The words are thought in the company of the photograph and said in the company of the gravestone. It is how we end our phone calls and our letters... the words at the bottom of the page that trump all those above it, a way to gracefully finish a message, however important or trivial, with the most meaningful gift of all : the communication of love. And yet the words themselves have been the victims of triviality, a ready replacement for lesser salutations among near strangers, burst forth casually as "love ya." Truly? To what degree? Why, how much, and for how long? These are questions befitting of the stature of love, though not the everyday banter of vague acquaintance. The words have also been twisted by the dark nature of deceit : To say "I love you" with a dramatic measure of synthetic emotion; a snare set by those who prey uponn fellow humanity, driven to whatever selfish end, to gain access to another's body, or their money, or their opportunity. In this realm, the proclamation is disgraced by one seeking to gain rather than to give. In any case, and by whatever inspiration, these words are woven deeply in to the fibers of our existence. Our longing to hear them from the right place is maddeningly and simultaneously our finest strength and our most gentle weakness.The album "I and Love and You" is unashamedly defined by such a dynamic of duality. As living people, we are bound by this unavoidable parallel. We are powerful yet weak, capable yet temporary. Inevitably, an attempt to place honesty within an artistic avenue will follow suit. This is a piece which shows us as we are : products of love surrounded by struggle. The music herein is, in many ways, readable as both a milestone and an arrival. A chapter in the story of young men, it bridges the space between the uncertainty of youth and the reality of it's release. The record is full with the quality of the question and response. As far as questions go, there are plenty-normally residing within the tone and delivery of the lyrics themselves, which, ironically, are sung with so much confidence. Among songs and thoughts so driven and purposeful, the most basic relatable doubt comes through with a resounding clarity. Outside of the eternal theme of romantic love, the album speaks thankfully upon a landscape of light-filled rooms, word-filled pages, time machines, forgiveness, singing birds, ocean waves, art ,change, confessions of shortcomings, and reasons to continue on. Hope and a cause for smiling follow naturally. In the midst of all this, there are allusions to the less-than-ideal conditions of life : the loss of memory, the inability to control temper, insecurity, indecision, jaded indifference, and the general plague of former and current weakness. "I and Love and You" is an album of obvious human creation, chracterized by it's best and it's worst. Emotional imperfection is a reality for those who recorded the piece, just as it is for those who will hear it. The conclusion of the song from which the title is taken admits that the words "I love you" have become "hard to say". And perhaps that difficulty is as common as it's counterpart. Perhaps the inability to say these heaviest of words is as much a part of life as the lighthearted candor of those who say them without any difficulty at all. And so it ends with the phrase whispered to and by those of us most defeated and most elated... I and love and you..."

TWLOHA Webcast

If someone could watch this for me and tell me what it's like that would be awesome! because i will be at youth group the night of this webcast, but i'd like to know how good it is =)

Suicide Prevention

okay so September 6-12th was National Suicide Prevention week, and-being part of the TWLOHA Street Team-I wanted to share with you why Suicide Prevention is important to me.
Here are some statistics that show how our world is impacted by suicide:

Every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a "global" mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds.
In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years in some countries, and the second leading cause of death in the 10-24 years age group; these figures do not include suicide attempts which are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide.
Suicide worldwide is estimated to represent 1.8% of the total global burden of disease in 1998, and 2.4% in countries with market and former socialist economies in 2020.
Although traditionally suicide rates have been highest among the male elderly, rates among young people have been increasing to such an extent that they are now the group at highest risk in a third of countries, in both developed and developing countries.
Mental disorders (particularly depression and alcohol use disorders) are a major risk factor for suicide in Europe and North America; however, in Asian countries impulsiveness plays an important role. Suicide is complex with psychological, social, biological, cultural and environmental factors involved

The statistic that is most shocking to me is the very first one, about the global mortality rate, where it says that one person dies ever 40 seconds. That means that in every minute, one more person has been lost to suicide.

On a more personal level, this is why suicide prevention means so much to me: My cousin a few years back was going through a lot of stuff. Part of it was his fault, but that didnt change the reactions or feelings he had. He was agnostic, and he pretty much hated life. He used to cut his arms, and it was hard to see the scars, and tough to see the discord between him and the rest of our family. I'm happy to say that he is no longer agnostic or a cutter. He now goes to church almost every week, and he's getting along a lot better with his family.
Also there was a girl who was new in our school last year. I dont know her whole story, but i do know she was also a cutter. I also know she was going through a lot. But as before, I can happily say that she is a new Christian, and she's using her beautiful singing voice to praise God =)

Statistics were found at http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/index.html

Mwahahahaha!!!

okay so pay no attention to the title it has nothing to do with this blog...but then again this blog has nothing to do with anything either so i guess its appropriate...im kinda bored, and figured i hadnt posted a blog on here in a while, so i'd type about the past week and what i have to look forward to in the next couple weeks :D
well i dont really remember what happened Monday and Tuesday lol..oh wait..tuesday i had a volleyball game, which we totally owned :D hahaha okay and wednesday i got to meet my friend's (now ex) boyfriend lol when we met them they were together but i guess not now...hahaha anyways, my sister and i pretty much decided that we're doing a costume party for our birthday bash, it's gonna be Friday the 13th themed..kinda..anyways, during the wee hours of Thursday morning my great grandpa was hospitalized because he couldnt keep any food down, was having breathing trouble, and just really weak. and one of my friends cousin's was killed in a motorcylce accident the same night. Friday night was completely amazing at youth group (even if my ride there and my ride home got lost hahahaha)...that was totally fun, and i abosultely loved the music! the message was really good too...and before youth group at school my spanish "familia" totally owned our project..we were the only group that got candy for a job well done :DD ...so that brings us to Saturday...well, after youth group my aunt picked us up cuz my parents were out of town, and we spent the night at her house... and then all day saturday there too..that was fun though cuz i got to go swimming and be used as a human hockey puck..lol it was like air hockey except on water...lol you just had to be there...oh and i started reading Eclipse again (to all the werewolf fans, JACOB'S A JERK!!!!) lol...and that brings us to today...this lady came to our church, her name's Andy, and i havent seen her in probably 5 or 6 years, maybe longer...she used to come to church all the time. it was good to see her back though.

hmmm you know i was thinking when i started typing this, it would be a pointless blog..but as i started going through things, God brought something to my mind..As humans we tend to complain and focus on the negative. and no matter how "bad" our week gets, we always manage to get through it. Just showed me that God is faithful. He always will be faithfull..I'm so glad that i'm in His family. I think Jeremy Camp said it best when he said, "the only THING (God) worth holding onto, is holding onto me."

A Lesson In Humility

okay so most people that know me know i love volleyball. This is my fourth year playing. I've been so pumped about making varsity, because it's something I've been looking forward to for a long time. Well, God's - for the second year in a row - shown me a lesson in humility with the same sport. I did not make varsity.

This came as a shock. A big shock. It hit me like a Mack truck. The thing that ticks me off the most, is who sort of "took my place" on the team. One of my best friends, Ynez, was supposed to be moving to the Keys this summer. Well, clearly that's not happening. She came to practice for the first time today, since we started 2 and a half weeks ago. She made varsity. THAT was an even bigger shock. I want to be happy for her, I really do, but at the moment I'm not sure whether i should be happy or angry or what. It's difficult. It's not so much that she's the one on the team, it's the fact that i've been there every day of practice, not late once, and she shows up the first day and makes it. And it's not just that she made it either, there's other people who i know i play just as well or better than them. THAT'S the most frustrating thing for me I guess. That and the fact that I dont know why I have been kept on JV.

Now that I explained the whole situation and why I'm angry and upset about this, it's time for the best part: humility! I look at it two ways: I can be pissed and gripe and complain about not making Varsity, OR I can accept, be thankful for the opportunity God has given me on JV, and ask Him to help me play the best I can for the sake of the younger girls on my team and be an example of how a Christian should react to a situation like this.
Pride can be a painful thing. We want approval so bad from the people around us, that when we are let down or feel like we failed, we get mad. We get angry. We get ticked off at our "friends" when all along we were the cause of all of it. We wanted it so bad, not knowing how people react. And we try to blame it on others.
Pride; that's what it came down to for me, and I realized that this afternoon coming home from practice. My mom and I were talking about it and she said, "hey at least if you were on varsity, you may have been benched the whole time." And my response almost before i even thought about I was gonna say was, "I dont care, I'd rather sit on the bench and be on Varsity then play on JV." It was almost instantly there I realized what i had just said. What would i be doing from the bench? A good cheerleader? I dont like cheerleaders, why would i want that? Staying on JV nearly gurantees me playing the whole game. And I actually am the oldest on the team, and my coach says she's counting on me to step it up for the rest of the team.
I shouldnt feel let down. I should be proud. The right kind though. I've been given the opportunity to help lead a team. What more could I want? The only difference between Varsity and JV is jerseys and playing experience. The game doesnt change. My love for the game hasnt changed. So whats the problem? Again i say, it's a pride issue.
So you know, whether or not I'm playing on Varsity or JV, I'm playing volleyball. It doesnt matter what jersey i have. What number I am. Whether I'm on the bench or playing full time. Im there. Im apart of the team. I'm one of the leaders. And though I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this still, I'm beginning to see my need for being humbled. I'll make my way to varsity one of these days, but right now, there's a JV team who needs me. And I'm asking God to make me the best JV volleyball player I can be. I'm asking Him to help me to step it up and be a leader for these girls. And with that note, I'll some it up with the famous Lady Eagles pre-game cheer:

ALL FOR THE GLORY OF GOD! HEY EAGLE BALL ALL THE TIME HUH!

Lead Me To You

hmm okay so this is just a little poem i wrote =) i may add more later but im really tired right now and my brain wont think lol...if you have some good lines let me know =)

Additions Made: third stanza-8/12/09

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Standing at the crossroads trying to make up my mind
Dare i take left, or should i go right?
One path leads to destruction
The other to new life
And I'm going to change mine, starting tonight.

Im sick of who I was
I dont want this to be
Father will you come
And rescue me?
I'm tired of all I do
I'm crying out in mercy
I need your love and grace
Father lead me to You.

We all have things from our past
That we would rather forget
It brought me a relationship to last.
So I won't bring myself to regret
The decisions i've made;
It is with You I will always stay

Wedding Week :D

haha so wow this week's been crazy it seems like....especially towards the end of the week. God's too good, but i'm thankful for every bit of it. Wednesday night we had Marissa's graduation party, which was loads of fun! Nothing better than cupcakes Taco Bell and friends to share it with! hahaha that was the best...even though i ended up with icing up my nose LOL...dont ask!
Friday was funny, trying to get to Walmart. My poor grandmother...she got lost on her way to Walmart on her 49th anniversary....that poor lady...but thankfully i was with her, and i knew where we were and where we needed to go...it all worked out. and we ended up where i suggested in the first place AND i got to see Sam working lol..and i forgive her McDonald's for not having the ice cream machine working...even though thats what i really wanted. haha....
and saturday was incredible...Alan and Carey's wedding was beautiful! And the reception was so much fun! and decorating the car was also fun...and the sparkling cider (which tasted like sparkling apple juice) was delicious! hahaha that was soo funny after the reception...you who were there know what i mean ;)
and today Pastor Randy had a great sermon. I also got to enjoy lunch with my 3rd cousin (i think) and her husband. it was sort of like the first time i'd met her, cuz last time i saw her i was 3 or 4 and i dont remember it at all..
It's been an overall amazing week. I said it once, and I'll say it again: sometimes it seems like God's too good, but i enjoy it, so I dont mind. Thanks again :D

To Write Love On Her Arms: The Story

In case you wanna know the story behind this great organization, here it is for you to read. Enjoy, i know i did.

--------------------------------------------------

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes

more
Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

Shredding!

so im sitting in my mom's office, and my sister's shredding some papers. lol the shredder keeps getting full and the door wont shut all the way...its really annoying, and i would know, i was shredding earlier. But now my sister and i have switched jobs. Im doing some archiving in between texting, blogging, myspacing, and facebooking. lol....and now my sis just finished shredding..if it was up to me, i'd also be listening to music on my phone but my mom cant work with music.

im also hungry but i found out we arent going to lunch until 1!!! and then on top of that, we're going to a place called Hana Sushi. I bet you can guess what they serve. And anyone that knows me at all knows that i hate seafood, ESPECIALLY sushi...and im not much on foreign foods. but the good news is, that until that point, to hold me over i have Sunbelt Oats&Honey breakfast bars. lol they're actually quite tasty. oh my goodness my mom's office is freezing! hahaha okay bye bye now =)

TWLOHA and Me =)

TWLOHA is an organization that helps people battle depression, self-injury, addiction, and even suicide. Most people probably already know that, but I have been surprised by the people that I've known for a while who didnt know that. So I wanted to share why it is so important to me.
A few years ago, my cousin was going through a really bad time in his life. He got upset over some stupid things, but of all this, he did the worst thing possible: he tried to commit suicide. Well, whether he actually attempted it or not, I'm not sure. But he did turn to self-injury, and that I am sure of. Growing up, he was kind of like the brother my sister and i never had. It really hurt me to see him throwing his life away, and although he may never know it, we really cared about him. Since then he's gotten his life together (as far as I know) and he's doing a lot better. But what if he hadn't? Where would he be today? And more importantly, how many other people have been through something like this, but with a different outcome? No one should have to go through something like that. And that's the most personal reason as to why i support To Write Love On Her Arms.
This past year I've gotten the pleasure of sharing TWLOHA's ministry with a few people, and I'm glad! One of those people was probably the person I'd least expect to ask. It was the Dean of our school. My friend had borrowed my TWLOHA jacket and he asked her what it said, and of course she told him. She knows about TWLOHA, but not the specifics, so when he asked about it she turned to me. I got the opportunity to tell him about everything. I was very happy =)

Musiiiic!

Ok so if you read my blogs or even glance over them, you probably hear my song(s) that play on here. well, i've recently been into a lot of country music, so i decided to go with an all-country themed music playlist. but thats not what i intend to make this blog about entirely.

The five songs on my playlist are some of my favorite country songs that have become popular in the past year. In case some people didnt know, i was born and raised on country music, this is nothing new. i've always enjoyed it. I think i grew out of it a little bit, but the past couple years that's changed. I think the reason i like country music is because it seems like real music. it's not fantasy music (although Taylor Swift's trying her best to change that). what i mean by fantasy music is things that don't really happen to the average American. but for some reason, it just seems different. It's funny one thing i noticed with every country singer's myspace that i went to, in their top friends, were real people. not other bands or artists but like their friends and family. Whenever i go to other artists pages they have some kind of band or something like that in their top friends. its just something i noticed :)

And another thing about music (not just country), is that i was raised to like all types of music, not just one. And i do for the most part. There's about one or two types of music i dont care for. But the main ones, you name it, i like it: rock, country, rap, screamo, southern gospel, techno. those are some of my faves. I can even handle orchestra music lol. So i encourage you to listen to music before you judge it. just cuz you don't like that style, doesnt mean you cant like SOME songs ;) my favorite one on that list is probably In Color by Jamey Johnson. It sort of tells a story. And i like songs that tell stories =)

Ugh.....Tuesday night family dinner

dont get me wrong, i love spending time with my family...some of the best and worst memories have been spent there. i look forward to it every week on tuesday...but one thing that has been really bugging me for the past 3 or 4 years is the inevitable topic of politics...i know it really should matter to me, and to a certain degree it does...but when thats all we ever talk about over dinner it gets tiring after a while..and something tells me that it has been going on for more than 4 years but its grown worse, or at least ive noticed it more...it just gets discouraging because eiter A, people dont agree and fights errupt, B, everyones talking at once and you cant even think straight, C, its always about some unahppy story on the news.......this probably sounds childish but its something that really does bother me....i try to stay at the dinner table until i cant handle the noise...because after a while, thats all it turns into, no more conversations, just noise, loud frustrated noise...so at the point when i cant take it anymore, i escape to where i am now, on the computer :) this is the first time ive blogged about something like this...so right now im sitting crosslegged in the hallway of my grandparents house on my sister's laptop, while listening to music on my new phone...which i love by the way :) i like how it plays songs straight from my itunes, especially since i think my ipod was stolen. oh well............................thats all i had to say for now. good bye :]

Birthday Books =)

ok well this is just a short quick blog that im doing before i go to bed. but these are a list of books that i've found out that i would like to read. so if you know me personally my birthday's in October, and you dont know what to get me take a look at this list :D ill be adding more as i find more =)

Crazy Love by Francis Chan already have it =)
The Reason For God by Timothy Keller
The Secret Circle: The Captive Part 2 and The Powers by L. J. Smith already have it =)
I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have To Kill You by Ally Carter
Don't Judge A Girl By Her Cover by Ally Carter
Generation Dead
Kiss of Life
Night World No. 2 by L. J. Smith
Night World No. 3 by L. J. Smith

Week Summary.

well, this wasnt the worst of weeks i've had. But it certainly wasn't the best either. As a Rascal Flatts song once said, "Life throws you curves, but you learn to swerve".
Between watching sad videos, listening to sad songs, and drama, i'm not sure i could cry anymore right now. this week has held some bittersweet memories. i've had my feelings hurt, but through that i got closer to God, and felt His power and presence (which btw is an AWESOME feeling). If you've never had the peace of God come over you just like in an instant, I hope you get to experience it sometime. It is incredible. As for watching sad videos and listening to sad songs, that i brought on myself, but that's a girl thing. There's nothing better than sitting around a computer with your best friends watching the Top 6 Tearjerkers on youtube and everyone is crying LOL. And i love sharing emotional and passionate songs with my friends. And thanks to savy for my awesome new hair! Hair dying parties are the best! hahahahaha...oh and trying fried cheesecake for the first time, mmmm delicious!!!! and marissa's graduation party was a blast! except her dog Brody hates me, growls at me, and scares me! lol but it was totally fun trying to eat cake with my face and no fork. even if the green icing went up my nose LOL. Wow and then to end the weekend on Father's Day with a nice lunch at my uncle's house. This week has been exciting, stressful, and busy all in one. There's probably only one thing i would change about it. and that would've been to go to the TWLOHA show tonight :) but there will be more, im sure of it!

A Hero's Not Afraid To Give His Life

ok so i just found out an awesome way to get songs on my blog, which is AWESOME!!!!! and ill probably change it every time i hear an awesome new song and then ill blog about it :D

so i've been waiting for a while to hear skillet's new cd, and this is there song "Hero" which is their first single off of their up coming album Awake and it sounds incredible! and it just hit me that right now i could use a Hero...my last blog was about confusion in general, but like i said had some specifics behind what i said, and some people would probably just laugh at me if they knew the reasons, but to me its not something thats funny. but anyways, that was my last blog, if you wanna hear more, just email me =)
skillet's new cd is going to be amazing just like every other cd they've put out! if you've never heard of them, or dont listen to them much, i encourage you to check them out. www.skillet.com :D oh and they're going on tour with my second favorite band, Hawk Nelson (unfortunately they arent coming to Fl )= ) but, look to see if they're coming near you because i have seen both bands numerous times. the tour is called the Awake and Alive tour. so be sure to check it out! and listen to the song, it's pretty incredible. Afterwards, think about the heros in your life =)

"A hero's not afraid to give his life, a hero's gonna save me just in time"

Confused :/

ok so sometimes being confused can be fun...at least it can make people laugh....but right now i dont know what to think...most people who will read this will probably have no clue as to what im talking about....it may seem like a vague topic but there's specifics behind every thing im saying....i wish sometimes i could just understand right away whats best for me...i hate being in a state of confusion like i am. you know..the kind of confusion where a part of you says this, and another part says just the opposite. it's difficult....like being the rope in a game of tug-o-war....things that happened in the past that brought you pleasure and pain, but you're not sure which was greater....*sigh* enough of my ranting......ill have to make up my mind eventually.....i just hope i make the right decision....guess i just gotta do what God wants me too, and remember (as Rev. Stevenson would say) God is not the author of confusion. He knows what to do. I'm hoping i can figure that out too. Getting to that decision is the hard part....ok now im really done =) seeming as though i said enough of my ranting 5 lines above this...haha.........................ugh......its 12:08, i've been up since 7 AM....im tired.....goodnight

Back from vacation :D

this time a week ago i was enjoying the nice weather of North Carolina. We started from my house in Florida at 5:30 in the morning and reached northern Georgia about 4:00 that same day and on Sunday we drove into North Carolina, and from North Carolina we reached our final destination of Gatlinburg, Tennessee on Monday :D
It was tons of fun being in the mountains and seeing all the pretty scenery. Florida is so flat compared to Tennessee...The first day we were there we ate at this restaurant the Edge Mountain Grill, and it was really delicious! Everything in Gatlinburg is within walking distance. So after we ate dinner, we walked around a little bit to see some of the shops. On Tuesday, we visited Dollywood. This was one of my favorite things we did on the trip. My favorite part was riding the wooden rollercoaster. Wednesday was sort of like our "sleep in" day. The whole morning was kind of like go-do-whatever-you-want, and i went to one of the tshirt shops and had a custom FF5 shirt made :D and it has a draygon on it! it's amazing. plus my nickname on the back, which is even better! Later that day we had a picnic in Cades Cove, and afterwards we drove the 11 mile loop around the park. I saw a deer, horses, two bears and an owl. It was pretty incredible. That was my first time seeing bears in the wild. Thursday we went to Norris Lake, which is just north of Knoxville. Some people that my parents ride motorcycles with own a piece of property on the lake and they invited us out for a lunch/dinner type of thing. The food was delicious, but my favorite part was going intertubing on the lake! the first time i went, my sis was with me, but the second time i went by myself, which is actually easier than having two people..and i got to go on a jet ski, which i havent been on one of those since i was about 6. Friday was more or less a drive through the mountains on Blue Ridge Parkway. It was really beautiful though...of course for all the bikers on this trip, we had to go ride The Dragon. this is like a biker's dream ride. It's supposedly 318 curves in 11 miles (even though i only counted about 160ish) through steep inlcines and declines that run along the side of a mountain. My dad said they average 29 deaths a year on this road (that's more than two a month!) at the end they have a restaurant/hotel kinda thing for all the bikers that pass through...on our way out of the Dragon an ambulance came along with a cop headed back to where we just came from. You can only imagine where they were going. Saturday we started our trip back home. We departed from some other people we had been traveling with and headed toward Columbia, South Carolina to meet up with my second cousin Morgan who i've never met before. we've talked a lot through email, but this was my first time meeting face to face. it was really nice! i got her to like Skillet and Family Force 5...haha now she wants a copy of their CDs and an FF5 shirt. lol....well that pretty much sums up my entire vacation! it was fun but it's nice to be home (even if it is 93 degrees instead of 83) lol

TWLOHA Shows

ok guys so there's three TWLOHA Florida shows coming up this week and it would be really awesome if ya'll could make it to one of the shows. I'm hopefully going to the one in Orlando, since it's the closest for me.

New :D

ok guys so im new to this site but i felt like doing this for fun so i did :D hahaha sorry if that's confusing, but i do say things like that a lot so you might get used to it :D i'll probably use this for personal blogs as well as some updates for my fansite...what??? you didnt know i had a fansite? of course i do!!! It's for my favorite band Family Force 5, and its called the Dance[RAWR]Dancers, after there fall tours =) and you can find us on both Myspace (www.myspace.com/letsdancecontest), and facebook. Myspace is the more updated site, so i would suggest going there....

so enough about the site, ill tell you a little about myself. My name is cassie, but as you can see, i get called Lassie 90% of the time...you can call me whatever you want, it really doesnt matter to me. I am a Christian, and i love Christ. If you wanna know more about Him, please let me know, i would love to share with you! as i said before my favorite band is Family Force 5, and they are super awesome! I am into Twilight and everything associated with it. I also love music in general, i play piano, sing, and of course, listen to music! so if you want to add me on FB or MS, you can find me through my fansite =) and follow me on Twitter :D www.twitter.com/lassie93